Being Emotionally Sensitive in a Fear-Based Culture (A Recipe for Borderline Personality Disorder)

I write this blog entry as I contemplate the severe lack of mental wellness in my family tree. I know very well that mental health goes wrong for a variety of reasons (nature vs nurture) and that these reasons are not yet well understood, discussed, or integrated into the general understanding of society so that serious (but unnecessary) problems can be prevented. I know that because this is still the case, people fall through the cracks of non-understanding and lack of treatment every day, and many times end up losing their lives. I believe this will continue to be the case until the general understanding of how all this happens shifts dramatically.

The one aspect of mental health that I want to focus on here and now is something that everyone can understand. Perhaps you have noticed from the title of the article that I am going to focus on “fear” as it is so often experienced, used, and abused in a cultural context. Whether we realize it or not, especially in modern industrialized cultural settings, we play on the fear emotion as a way to teach children, maintain law and order, and get results in the workplace and elsewhere. I believe we play on this emotion because seems to work so well (at least in the short-term) to get people to do things… to be obedient.

The psychological understanding that is very important to get across in this regard, however, is that every time we use “fear” as a way to get results with people, we are activating the fight, flight, freeze response in the brain and nervous system. The fight, flight, freeze response is basically a chemical chain reaction that mobilizes the body for responding to threats and ensuring survival. It works very well for what it was meant for… making sure all energy and resources are directed towards body parts essential for movement and escape! It was designed for limited use, meaning only for real threats.

When the fight, flight freeze response is activated repeatedly and unnecessarily (especially in childhood development) we then set the conditions for the body to more or less remaining in this mode of functioning indefinitely. In other words, a human being starts assuming he is “always in danger” when those in authority over him are repeatedly suggesting he is in danger, even when he isn’t. Parents, unfortunately, do this a lot to their children because of time pressures, fears of losing money, and lack of capacity, knowledge, and willingness to teach children about emotions and emotion regulation.

The chemical chain reaction that takes place in the fight, flight, freeze response – in the long run – ends up being harmful to the brain, nervous system, and body when it is activated over and over unnecessarily. In particular, the over-release of the stress hormone cortisol happens during unnecessary fight, flight, freeze activations. The harm from overactivation of flight, flight, freeze (over-release of cortisol) can take many forms, including various body and mental disorders. One of the more serious mental disorders that can result from this over-activation of the fight, flight, freeze response is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

When a human is born more emotionally sensitive (having certain genetics) into a culture that seems to “have a thing” for over-activating the fight, flight, freeze response to gain obedience, this means that certain types of individuals are going to be more prone to developing disorders like BPD. In my experience being raised in a western industrialized culture, right from the start, I was oriented to “the fact” that danger is always waiting for me right around the corner if I am not willing to submit to the dictates of authority (school, law, bank, government, church, etc.).

These notions of fear were communicated to me (both directly and indirectly) on so many occasions that it was eventually ingrained as “truth”. Regular activation of my fight, flight, freeze response, therefore, became an everyday experience, so much so that it became my way of being in the world and solving problems (or rather failing to solve problems very well, especially emotional/relational problems).

Now imagine trying to grow up and function in ever more complex life situations when fight, flight, freeze is your dominant mode of being. It is tough to function in complex life situations when flight, flight, freeze is activated unnecessarily (hard to think clearly, speak clearly, and make wise decisions). It is extremely difficult, actually!

It is likewise very difficult to function when you have figured out that “the way you are” often results in functioning errors and upset from others. Attempts at hiding and repressing these fight, flight, freeze responses from others, therefore, also tends to happen a lot, but unfortunately increase the odds of over-activation of the fight, flight, freeze in the future. So perhaps you can see why people would frequently request that someone in this fight, flight, freeze over-activation predicament “calm down” when it doesn’t make sense to be so anxious or emotional.

Learning how to settle down the irrational fears in BPD is one of the hardest challenges to consistently follow through with, especially when society in general and the people around you remain as they are and tend to remind you of your functioning predicament. The challenge is ever-present in BPD to determine when you are realistically safe and when you are not. It is what it is, and it is difficult. For a sensitive person who develops BPD to realize the extent of unintentional abuse of the fight, flight, freeze response that has stemmed from being raised in a fear-based culture, it can help with acceptance and persevering through the day-to-day challenge of a skewed perception and exaggerated feeling.