Every Day is an "Emotional Day" when you have Borderline Personality Disorder (E*V*E*R*Y*D*A*Y)

Most people would admit that there is such a thing as "having an emotional day" and that they can be painful and exhausting, such as when funerals get attended or someone you care about is undergoing major surgery. Most of us would probably agree that these are the most challenging experiences because of the ongoing emotional intensity. But what would life be like if you had to endure these kinds of emotional trials daily, even when nothing out of the ordinary was happening?

Every day I have to decide if I am going to "do the emotional work" or if I am going to "spiral down." What does this mean? It means that daily life has become a matter of finding the will and motivation to practice skills to work through Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). It has otherwise become giving up on the BPD challenge and reaping the almost guaranteed consequences (guilt, shame, drama, conflict, impulsiveness, self-destruction, etc.).

BPD is a life challenge that doesn't go away quickly or easily, and it persistently remains hard for others who don't understand the depth of the challenge to appreciate. And since it is so persistently hard for others to understand the extent of the challenge, this also means that others are usually of no assistance in dealing with it (in fact, often the opposite).

The reality of living with BPD being so continuously brutal is that merely knowing that someone else "gets it" can help a person with the condition persevere through yet another day. Therefore, I hope the words in this article reach those who need this specific kind of validation and serve the stated purpose. You are not alone: I get it, I hear you, I see you, I believe you, and I am with you!

Living with BPD has much to do with RE-learning how to live in your body and with your emotions. Unfortunately, the realization that this RE-learning is required usually comes later in life when there is an expectation of already having the ability to live in your body with no problems. Nonetheless, the difficulty level of RE-learning for BPD, in my opinion, is comparable to RE-learning how to walk after being paralyzed. That said, the difference between paralyzed people and those who have BPD is that those who got paralyzed receive the benefit of the doubt that they have a "real challenge." In contrast, people with BPD do not usually receive the same benefit. In other words, it is easy to see and appreciate a paralyzed body. Still, it is not easy to recognize the truth of unbalanced brain chemicals and overactive emotional areas in the brain that require ongoing adjustment (issues associated with BPD).

Whether alone or around others, an emotional wave can emerge that creates a vicious circle of thought and emotion that is hard to stop at any moment of the day. The initial emotional wave can happen by merely thinking about something, seeing something, or hearing something (almost any internal or external stimulus). It is common and expected to be thrown off your emotional balance when you have BPD, and therefore, just as consistently hard to continue re-balancing. It takes energy and concentration to keep doing this balancing work, and it can only get done when you know exactly how to help yourself and see what needs doing.

Many people suffering from BPD don't even know what's happening or how to help themselves. At the same time, the people with whom a person suffering from BPD shares relationships also don't know what's happening or how to be helpful. Mental health ignorance to this extent means that all parties in the relationship will most likely take actions that make matters worse. In other words, the chances of experiencing ongoing and multiplying emotional distress for persons suffering from BPD increase dramatically when no one involved has any understanding of BPD. No wonder Borderline Personality Disorder has one of the highest suicide rates!

Even as I write this article, I can feel the vibrations of complicated emotions that connect with current events and thoughts of many things and people. I even feel emotions about experiences that could (but have not yet) happened. Without a developed awareness of all this internal activity about how the mind is wandering, where it can lead, and how to effectively manage it, I would be prone to all kinds of unwise decision-making and acting out (verbal and potentially physical). Therefore, any wonder people suffering from BPD may seem "needy" or want to talk about emotions "too much"? Unfortunately, people with BPD are often desperate to stabilize themselves and usually alone and unskilled in the challenge.

The painful emotions common to my BPD experience included fear of abandonment, guilt, shame, rejection, and worthlessness. I have learned at this point that these emotions can settle and pass if they are observed and understood (mindfully validated). I also know that it doesn't take much for the feelings to reappear, but that is OK because I can follow the same process to settle myself once again. It is OK that this happens, and I am NOT BAD for having this condition and life challenges. If you are reading and have BPD, I hope you realize that you, too, deserve understanding and compassion, especially from yourself, because BPD is one of the most complicated and most misunderstood mental illnesses of them all!