Male Stereotypes that Kill People Suffering From Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

If you are a male who suffers from mental health issues, then the chances are good that you are at higher risk of not getting the education and treatment you need to heal yourself. Suppose you are a male who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). In that case, your risk of not getting treated and succumbing to your pattern of illness is even higher, simply because BPD sometimes includes highly toxic and destructive patterns of thought and behaviour towards self, others, and relationships.

And why, you might ask, does "being male" have any bearing on the level of risk for loss of life due to mental illness? It has much to do with male stereotypes that can strongly influence decision-making and prevent males from receiving proper mental health assessment, diagnosis, and treatment.

Stereotypes are "widely held but fixed and oversimplified images or ideas of a particular type of person or thing" (https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/stereotype). We adopt stereotypes as we are going through our childhood development, through the types of media we consume (TV, books, magazines, movies), the people we spend time with, and the family and community culture surrounding us. Some of these stereotypes relate to career types and income, some are about divisions of labour at home, some are about being male or female, some relate to parenting roles, some are about body image, and some are specifically about what to do with emotions.

Male stereotypes include fixed and oversimplified images or ideas about men ("what men are supposed to be like") that get adopted at an early age and are hard to adjust/release as life goes on. For example, common male stereotypes may include notions like "boys don't cry" or "the strong silent type" or "real men are the breadwinner" or "man up." Clinging rigidly to these stereotypes can make it hard to be a naturally unique human, but perhaps more importantly, make it hard to make decisions that support mental health.

*Please note: I recognize that females may also adopt "male stereotypes" regarding their emotional functioning and that doing so might result in consequences similar to those discussed herein.

This article will relate some of the male stereotypes that males (and females) may hold about emotions and emotional expression that, I believe, contribute to rampant mental health neglect. I will also briefly discuss how mental health neglect fueled by male stereotypes may contribute to long-term untreated Borderline Personality Disorder, resulting in partial or total self-destruction and sometimes even death.

As a male growing up in western culture, I adopted the common stereotypical notion that "boys are not to appear overly emotional in most life situations, nor talk at length about emotions." As many males do, I believed that the expression or discussion of non-angry emotions (outside of funerals or significant injuries) implied a form of weakness and reduced the essence of my masculinity. I don't recall getting taught to hide or suppress my non-angry emotions, but without a doubt, it was something that I increasingly believed was necessary as my development unfolded.

The opposition to genuine emotional expression and honesty is weaved so thoroughly into western culture that people don't even realize it. It could get described as "veiled opposition to emotion" since it makes subtle appearances in conversation and parenting practices. For instance, there seems to be automatic opposition when emotions start to make an appearance but parents (or other associates) make immediate suggestions to "settle down" "chill out" or "relax" without making any attempts to inquire about or validate the emotional experience. After many of these "veiled opposition to emotions" incidents occur, it makes sense that a developing human might start to believe that "too much emotion" means non-acceptance.

Many of the messages and much of the imagery we consume through music and television can strongly influence our attitudes about emotions. For example, much of what I recall getting repeated in the media were portrayals of "staying strong in the face of adversity," which often meant staying focused on conquering the task and ignoring parts of the self that could distract from conquering the task. Therefore, taking time for emotions might mean admitting defeat or becoming "too feminine" to conquer the task. The essence of the male stereotype here is that aggression and focus are good (strong), while awareness or expression of non-angry emotions is soft, unfocused, and out of control (weak).

To make a long story short: By the time childhood development is complete, many of us get thoroughly entrenched in notions of maleness and what it requires. As a result, many of us become inhibited (blocked) in our emotional processes. Furthermore, for some people, this also means consequences in the form of mental illness. Blocked emotional processing may contribute to any of the common anxiety and depression disorders but is also associated with more complex and potentially lethal conditions such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

Having a chance at adjusting conditions like BPD (and others) into something less destructive requires that the emotion-blocking, emotion-dismissing, emotion-inhibiting stereotypes get entirely and purposefully discarded. In other words, when discarding stereotypes like these, it is essential to realize why they are getting discarded, such as because they can make it impossible to be mentally healthy. When clinging to ideas that make it impossible to get mentally healthy, it potentially becomes a very high-risk situation because unhealthy coping and destructive forms of relating may get used.

Learning how to work through emotions genuinely is true strength because it means that a person now has the complete ability to live in a human body. Becoming emotionally masterful requires honouring both the presence of masculine and feminine energies in humans as they are (yin and yang). Depending on stereotypes become a false form of strength and security based on nothing but ideas that don't acknowledge or respect human biology, effectively manage emotions, and allow one to live free from mental illness.